Funny Jokes

Golf Genie

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course,
lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said,
"Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don't knock out any
windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."

The wife teed up and shacked it right through the window of the
biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost."

They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on
in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied.

"No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a
thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to
grant three wishes-I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last
one for myself."

"OK, great!" the husband said. " I want a million dollars a year for
the rest of my life." "No problem-it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife.
"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.
"Consider it done." the genie replied.

"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with
a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of
money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care." The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.

After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and
said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"
"35." she replied.

"And he still believes in genies?....That's amazing!"
Category:Sports Jokes || Rated:4.15 || Votes:267 || Send this to a Friend!

I'm not fishing!

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.

Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself, "Is this guy blind or what?"
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman.
"I didn't even touch you," grouses the sheriff.
"Yes, that's true ... but you have all the equipment ..."

Moral: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read!
Category:Sports Jokes || Rated:4.61 || Votes:23 || Send this to a Friend!

Golf "is" a Drag!

Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused, looked down the fairway and began to sob uncontrollably.

The other three gathered around him and asked: Whats wrong? Bob looked down at his feet, sniffed and dried his eyes some, then apologized for his emotional outburst. Im sorry, I always get emotional at this hole - it holds very difficult memories for me.

One of his buddies asked: What happened? What could have gotten you so upset?

Bob stared silently off in the distance, then said in a low voice, This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years ago when she suddenly died of a heart attack; right at this very hole!

Oh my God, the other golfers said; That must have been horrible!

Horrible? You think it`s horrible?
Bob cried in disbelief; It was worse than that!!!!

Every hole for the rest of the day, all the way back to the clubhouse it was hit the ball, drag Alice, hit the ball, drag Alice...
Category:Sports Jokes || Rated:3.88 || Votes:24 || Send this to a Friend!

I Said the F Word

A guy goes to his local church during the week to see the priest and confess his sins. He goes into the confessional box and says, "Father during the week I said the F-word."

The priest says, "Well my son, say 3 Hail Mary's and your sins will be forgiven."

The guy however was quite eager to explain to the priest why he had used the F-word and grudgingly the priest agreed to listen to his explanation.

"Well I was playing golf last Sunday instead of coming to church," said the guy.

"Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked.

"No," the guy replied. "I was on the first tee and I duck hooked my drive into this terrible rough."

"Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked.

"No," the guy replied getting quite annoyed with the constant interruptions to his story. "My ball took a lucky kick out of the rough and I was left with a perfect shot to the green."

"Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked.

"No," the guy said. "As I went to play my ball a squirrel grabbed it and took off with it."

"Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked.

"No," the guy replied. "As the squirrel was running away with my ball an eagle swooped down on it and took off with the squirrel and my ball."

"Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked.

"No," the guy replied. "The eagle dropped the squirrel over the green and the ball rolled out of its mouth and finished 5 inches from the hole."

The priest said, "Don't tell - me you missed the fucking putt!"
Category:Sports Jokes || Rated:4.43 || Votes:7 || Send this to a Friend!

Dallas Cowboy put-downs galore!

Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Playoffs?
A: The Dallas Cowboys

Q: How many players did the Cowboys dress for their last game?
A: 22. The rest dressed themselves.

Q: What's Jerry Jones' biggest concern?
A: Does bail money count against the salary cap?

Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.

Q: Four Dallas Cowboys are in a car. Who's driving?
A: The police.

Q: Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?
A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known Felons.

I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin. They got rid of the refrigerator and now they want a coke machine.

The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the Cowboys play better on "grass".

The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System".
Yes, your Honor, No, your Honor.

The Cowboys had a 8 and 8 season this year.
8 arrests, 8 convictions.

The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator; Johnny Cochran.

Q: What's the difference between a Cowboys fan and a baby?
A: Eventually the baby stops whining.

A woman in Dallas calls 911. When the officer answers the phone the woman is hysterical and tells the cop that a man has just broken into her home and she thinks he intends to rape her. The officer explain that they are just extremely busy at the moment and tells her "Just get the guy's jersey number and we'll get back to you."
Category:Sports Jokes || Rated:5 || Votes:1 || Send this to a Friend!

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