A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Little Johnny & April

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.  read more »

4.09091
Average: 4.1 (253 votes)
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Little Johnny & April

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.  read more »

4.09091
Average: 4.1 (253 votes)
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This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks.

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks.

So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I’ve got this great rooster named Chuck. He’ll service every chicken you got, no problem."  read more »

4.04348
Average: 4 (23 votes)
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The Bar

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar:

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| Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 |

| Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 |

| Hand Job: $10.00 |

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Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"  read more »

4.03226
Average: 4 (31 votes)
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The teacher of the fourth grade class was giving an English lesson

The teacher of the fourth grade class was giving an English lesson:

"All right class, I want everyone to write a sentence which starts with a question and ends with an answer and has the words possible and definite in it!"

All at once, young Johnny's hand shot up.

"Miss! Miss!" called Johnny.
"Write it down, Johnny!" said the teacher.
" ... But Miss! Miss! Miss!" Johnny intoned.

"I said write it down!" exclaimed the teacher who was now quite peeved.
"Miss! Miss!" called Johnny once more.
"Okay, Johnny. I give up. What is it?"
"Is it possible that farts have lumps in them?"  read more »

3.767855
Average: 3.8 (56 votes)
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What is your date of birth?

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

3.67742
Average: 3.7 (31 votes)
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The Verdict

The DA stared at the jury, unable to believe the "not guilty" verdict he'd just heard. Bitterly, he asked, "What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?"

The foreman answered, "Insanity."

The attorney responded, still incredulous, "I could understand that. . .but
- all twelve of you?"

3.6
Average: 3.6 (15 votes)
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A woman in her 40's went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift...

A woman in her 40's went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob" where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.
Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob". Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob and the effects were wonderful. The woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.  read more »

3.47619
Average: 3.5 (21 votes)
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Why was Tigger sticking his head in the toilet?

Q: Why was Tigger sticking his head in the toilet?

A: He was looking for Pooh!

3.333335
Average: 3.3 (15 votes)
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Monica Counters Clinton

AP - Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President Clinton's firm denial:

"I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face."

"This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming. I will meet this challenge the only way that I know how: head on."  read more »

3.285715
Average: 3.3 (7 votes)
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