A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentist replies "You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist..."
The guys replies, "I am seeing a psychiatrist."
The dentist says, "Well then what are you doing here?"
And the guy says, "Your light was on."
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "got any bananas?"
He gets thrown out.
He comes in the next day and asks the same thing, "got any bananas?"
Again, he gets the bums rush.
This goes on for several days until the bartender has had enough of this crap and screams,
"If you ever set foot in the bar again, I am gonna nail your stupid feet to the floor and rip your beak off!" Then the duck is thrown out into the street.
The very next day the duck once again enters the bar and walks up to the bartender.
"Hey buddy! Got any bananas?" asks the duck read more »
Q: How do you circumcisce a whale?
A: With four skin-divers...
Q: What do you do to an elephant with three balls?
A: Walk him and pitch to the rhinoceros!
Q: What do you call a masturbating cow?
A: Beef Stroke-n-off
Two bats are going for their midnight feed. After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.
The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"
The second bat replies, "Follow me. I'll show you."
After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"
The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"
Other bat says, "I didn't."
A tourist walks into a curio shop and sees a life-like bronze statue of a rat.
He asks the salesmen, "How much?"
The salesman replied, "12 bucks for the rat and 100 bucks for the story."
The tourist says, "I'll just take the rat, thanks."
As soon as the tourist leaves the shop rats started crawling out of the sewers. There were a hundred rats, then a thousand, and then millions.
The tourist was running as fast as he could. He ran to the end of the pier and threw the bronze rat as far out into the lake as he could. All the other rats jumped after it and drowned. read more »
One day in the middle of the desert a man's car breaks down.
He sees a gas station about 5 minutes away, so he pushes his car to the gas station. Six hours and lots of money later, the man's car is fixed, but night is falling. The man asks the mechanic, "Hey, where is the nearest hotel?"
The mechanic replies, "No hotel here, but about 100 miles down the road you'll see there's a room under the cactus there. But what ever you do don't touch the big pink gorilla." read more »
Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
(Hint: No "eye" = No "i")
Q: A man rides in on Friday, stays two nights three days and then leaves on Friday.
How is that possible?
A: His horse was named Friday.