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A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile...

A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The crocodile told him, "Please let me go. I'll grant you any wish you desire." The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground."
So the crocodile bit his legs off.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Pat Buchanan answers this question: "To steal a job from a decent , hard-working American."

Dr. Seuss answers this question: "Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why? It's not been told."

Grandpa answers this question: "In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us."

And Colonel Sanders answers this question: "I missed one?"

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One day this Preacher decided that he would skip church and go hunting.

One day this Preacher decided that he would skip church and go hunting.
When in the woods he came upon a bear!
The man started running.
And he ran for a while until all of a sudden he
tripped over a tree root.
And at this moment he was almost face to face
with the bear.
Then he said "Dear Lord, if there is one wish I would want for you to give me it would be to
make this bear a christian."
And at that instant.....
The bear halted to a stop and droped on his knees and said
"Dear Lord thank you for the food I am about
to receive"!!

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The sky was dark...

The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone just she and I
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart
And when I did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
At milking a cow...

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Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot".

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot".

I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.

He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!"

He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old."

He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."  read more »

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A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest.

A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each of you three wishes."

The bear says "I wish all the bears in the forest were females." *poof* It's done.

The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle." *poof* It's done.

The bear says "I wish all the bears in this country were females." *poof* It's done.

The rabbit says "I wish for a lifetime supply of carrots back at my house." *poof* It's done.  read more »

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An old farmer went to town to see a movie.

An old farmer went to town to see a movie.

The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"

The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes."

"I'm sorry sir.", said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater.

He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.  read more »

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What do porcupines say after they kiss?

Q: What do porcupines say after they kiss ?

A: Ouch.

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Why was Tigger sticking his head in the toilet?

Q: Why was Tigger sticking his head in the toilet?

A: He was looking for Pooh!

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Have you heard about the man who did it with a parakeet?

Have you heard about the man who did it with a parakeet?

He contracted chirpes and the worst thing?

It was untweetable

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