Days in hell
Bob dies and finds himself in hell. While he's wallowing in self pity, he stumbles across a demon.
Demon: Why so glum?
Man: Why'd you think? I'm in hell!
Demon: Aww, hells not so bad. Actually, we have a lot of fun!
Demon: Do you drink?
Demon: Well, all we do on Mondays is drink. We drink ourselves silly - and you don't have to worry aobut your liver, you're already dead!
Man: Gee, that's awesome!
Demon: You a smoker?
Demon: All we do on Tuesdays is smoke. You can puff a cigar as big as New York! And who cares if you get cancer, you're already dead!
Demon: I bet you're a gambling man.
Man: How'd you guess?
Demon: All we do on Wednesdays, gamble gamble gamble. If you go bankrupt, whatever, you're dead!
Demon: Do drugs?
Man: Yup. It's the reason I'm here.
Demon: Guess what we do on Thursdays, then.
Man: Haha, I never knew hell was such a cool place. I really am gonna love it here!
Demon: You gay?
Demon: Ohhh... you gonna hate Fridays.