Travel Jokes

There were three guys on a plane a Black guy,a Chinese guy,and a Mexican guy The pilot told them that everyone had to throw something off the plane because it was to heavy to lift off the ground.  read more »

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse, named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.  read more »

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.  read more »

Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this airplane..."

"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."  read more »

1. I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

2. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost information, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"  read more »

A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train that leaves at 6 p.m., but he has forgotten his watch. So he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots a guy carrying two suitcases and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time.

The guy replies "Sure, which country?"

The fella asks, "How many countries have you got?" to which the man replies, "All the countries in the world!"

"Wow! That's a pretty cool watch you've got there."  read more »

A vacationer called a seaside hotel to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw from the beach," he was told.

"But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.

Came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken windows."

Read aloud for best results (and some semblance of comprehension). This was nominated "best email of 1997".

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review...

Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"  read more »

After a ship sank in the ocean, three men ended up stranded in a lifeboat. They floated around for days without food or water. One afternoon a bottle floated up to the boat. The men grabbed the bottle and when
they pulled the cork out of the bottle, a genie appeared.

'I'll grant each of you a single wish,' said the genie.

'I wish I was home,' said the first man. Then, poof! he disappeared.

'I wish I was home, too,' said the second man. Poof! He disappeared too.

The third man looked around. 'Gee, I'm kind of lonely,' he said. 'I wish my friends were here with me.'