A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Sport Jokes

Touched By Dallas Cowgirl

Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?

A: Touchback.

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Packers

Why did the Packers tear up the end zone after a Vikings Game?

There was to much "Moss" in it!

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The Pessimist!

An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.

For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.  read more »

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Bee Sting

A woman has just started to play golf when she gets stung on the arm by a bee. She rushes back to the clubhouse, hoping to find a doctor. She asks, "Is anyone here a doctor."

One guy, who was pretty drunk, stands up and says, "I'm a doctor, what can I help you with?"

"I've been stung by a bee."
"Oh really, where?"
"Between the first and second hole"
"Well, first of all, your stance is too wide..."

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Golfer Pays His Respects

A golfer and his buddies where playing a big round of golf for $200. At the eighteenth green the golfer had a ten foot putt to win the round, and the $200.

As he was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by. The golfer set down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and began to wait for the funeral procession to pass. After it passed, he picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt.  read more »

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The Duck Hunt

One day a man went hunting for ducks. When he was done he was going to his Chevy and he got a vist from The Game Warden.

The Warden said "Hey Sir,what ya huntin?"
The man said "Ducks."

The Warden said "Did ya have any luck?"
He said "Got 3."

The Warden said "Let Me see them." The Warden stuck his finger up the ducks butt,smelled it and said "This duck is from Ohio, do you have a stamp for it?"
The Man gave him the stamp.

The Warden picked up the 2nd duck did the same thing and said "Kentuky duck, got a stamp?"
The man gave him the stamp.  read more »

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Something Fishy

One day, this woman went to a bait shop to get her husband a fishing reel for his birthday. After selecting one, she inquired as to its cost.

The owner replied, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm blind and cannot see what reel you have. If you drop it on the floor, I'll recognize it and be of more help." So she did just that.

After hearing it hit the floor, the owner said, "That's the Johnson Model 9400. It'll be $40.00."  read more »

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Preparing for skiing

Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
Throw away a hundred dollar bill - now.
Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.
Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.  read more »

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The swimming contest

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest.
The first has no arms.
The second no legs.
And the third has no body, just a head.
They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool.

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.  read more »

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What do John Elway, Art Modell, and O.J. Simpson all have in common?

Q: What do John Elway, Art Modell, and O.J. Simpson all have in common?
A: They all killed the Browns!

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