Marriage Jokes

Lisa: Cory where are you ? Penny's crying!
Cory I got flowers + milk n baby powder and 3 cans of baby food peach banana+ Kiwi now on way <3
Lisa: Okay HHoney!

30 mintues later

Lisa: What is this big thing wrapped in? Let me open it
Cory: No!!!
Lisa: Let me !
Cory: Okay !!
Lisa a beautiful pink hearted cake with 8 purple hearts !!! Says, I <3 you Lisa Anne!  read more »

A greeting card for a man who is about to get married reads as follows.
"Don't"

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche! New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a shot. So he went to the lady's house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche.
"Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the lady's house.

"Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"  read more »

Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to Becky, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?"

Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..."

"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..."

"Three? Well, when were they?" he asked.  read more »

A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman's horse mis-steps and jostles the man's wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes. Finally, he states, "That's one." The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride.  read more »

Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.

A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: "You're what?!?"

A lecturer delivering a talk on the demoralizing effect of legal seperation said, "Love is a quest; the proposal a request; the giving in marriage a bequest; the actual marriage, a conquest."

"What is a divorce?" a voice from back asked.

Swift as lightning came the reply,"Ah, that's the inquest."

Marriage is a big gamble for a man. But for a woman, marriage is no gamble. It's a calculated risk.

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been (sexually) with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.

She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities.  read more »