A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Life Jokes

CHERRY HILL

This boy came into class late and the teacher ask "where have you been?"he tells her "i was on top of cherry hill" she shrugs it off and then another boy came to class late and the teacher ask's "where have you been?" and he tells her "i was on top of cherry hill" she starts to wonder but keeps her class going then another boy comes in late and she ask the same question and he also tells her he  read more »

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CHERRY HILL

This boy came into class late and the teacher ask "where have you been?"he tells her "i was on top of cherry hill" she shrugs it off and then another boy came to class late and the teacher ask's "where have you been?" and he tells her "i was on top of cherry hill" she starts to wonder but keeps her class going then another boy comes in late and she ask the same question and he also tells her he  read more »

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My Aunti Is an Grandma My Mistake

My Brother Felt Sick And someone Came To Pick Him Up,
I didnt realise were he was and I asked a boy in his class he said he went home with a 50 yr old women I said that was my grandmother.
Then when I went to pick My brother up I asked Who picked you up he said Our 34yr old Aunti !....the next day he said that she didnt look like she was 60-80 she looked like she was 70-80 ...!

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Make Life Mre Enjoyable

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.  read more »

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For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
2. A day without sunshine is like, night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges

10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.  read more »

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Parenthood: Changes with Each Baby

Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes
-1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
-2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
-3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name
-1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.  read more »

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Life's Observations

LIFE'S OBSERVATIONS:

1. Marriage changes passion; suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

2. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."

3. I have my own little world. But it's OK, they know me here.

4. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

5. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

6. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

7. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.  read more »

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Applied mathematics

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband  read more »

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