A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Lawyer Jokes

Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest...

Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It’s my nut!"
The first squirrel said, "That’s not fair! I saw it first!"

"Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second.

At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn’t quarrel.  read more »

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Why is money green?

Why is money green?

Because lawyers pick it up before it is ripe.

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When asked, "What is a contingent fee?"

When asked, "What is a contingent fee?" a lawyer answered, "A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don't win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing."

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What is a criminal lawyer?

- What is a criminal lawyer ? ?

- Redundant .

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Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?

Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?

Yeah, it comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.

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The day after a verdict had been entered against his client

The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge's chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying: "I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client's defense."

The judge asked, "What new evidence could you have?"

The lawyer replied, "My client has an extra $10,000, and I just found out about it!"

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A golfer hooked his tee shot over

A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain.
"I'm an attorney," the wincing man said, "and this is going to cost you $5000."

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," the concerned golfer replied. "But I did yell 'fore'."

"I'll take it," the attorney said.

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An old man was on his death bed...

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery."  read more »

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A young attorney

A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night.

“Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.”

“Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, I gave that to you as an annuity for life.”

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A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer...

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.

"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.

"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"

"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"

"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"

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