A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Lawyer Jokes

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study.

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for lawyer brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

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Bad Neighbours

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?"

The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?"

"$7.98." said the butcher.

A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98.
Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150

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What do u have when their is a lawyer up to his neck in cement?

Q: What do u have when their is a lawyer up to his neck in cement?
A: not enough cement

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What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: Ones a gross dirty slimy scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and ones a fish...

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One day, a guy went into a store, just browsing.

One day, a guy went into a store, just browsing.

He suddenly saw a statue of a rat made of bronze, and thought that it was interesting. He decided to buy it, and so he did.

The guy walked out of the store, carrying the statue in his arms. Suddenly some rats started following him.

He shrugged it off, and continued on his way.

As he walked along, more and more rats started following him, until all the rats in the city were behind him.

He suddenly realized that it was the statue that was doing this.  read more »

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Three guys are walking in an abandoned warehouse...

Three guys are walking in an abandoned warehouse. They find a genie bottle. They decide to rub it.

A genie pops out. He says, "I will grant you each one wish, but there's a catch. Whatever you wish for, a lawyer will get 2 times more than that."

The first guy says, "I want a million dollars." The genie says, "Are you sure?" He says yes. *poof* The guy has one million dollars, and a lawyer gets two million.

The second guy says "I want a new car." The genie says, "A lawyer is getting two new cars then."

The guy says, "Oh well. I want my car." *poof* He has a new porche.  read more »

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A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.

On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said,
'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

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A woman diagnosed as having a brain tumor...

A woman diagnosed as having a brain tumor was told by her doctor that she would need the transplant of a one-pound brain.

The doctor then asked, "What type of brain do you want?"

"What type?" the woman asked.

"Yes," replied the doctor. "There is a substantial difference in price.

For example, a one-pound brain of a surgeon costs $60,000, while you can get a one-pound brain of a nuclear physicist for $50,000, and so on.

"Can you give me a one-pound lawyer's brain? Ever since I was a little girl I've dreamed of being a trial attorney."

"That's $250,000," the doctor replied.  read more »

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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!

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One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car...

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there.

"NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same.

Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling, "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed.  read more »

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