Lawyer Jokes

When attorneys die, why do they bury them 600 feet underground?

Because deep down, they're really nice guys.

Why should lawyers wear lots of sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort?

Because they’re used to doing all of their lying indoors.

Why won ' t sharks attack lawyers ? ?

Professional courtesy.

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

How many lawyer jokes are there?

Just two, all the rest are true.

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One; the lawyer holds it while the rest of the world revolves around him.

What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.

A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge's orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, "Counselor, you should be aware that at this point, what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other."

"Your honor," replied the lawyer, "That goes without saying. What is there to prevent it?"

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 10?

A lawyer.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 15?

Your honor.

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.