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Lawyer Jokes

The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney...

The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walked into a room to meet with his accountant.

The Godfather asked the accountant, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The accountant didn't answer.

The Godfather asked again, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney interrupted, "Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you."

The Godfather said, "Well, ask him where the @#!* money is."

The attorney, using sign language, asked the accountant where the three million dollars was.  read more »

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"You’re a cheat!" shouted the client to his lawyer.

"You’re a cheat!" shouted the client to his lawyer. "You’re a scoundrel! You’ve kept me hanging for months and got rich on my case alone!"

"That’s gratitude," said the offended lawyer. "And right after I named my new yacht after you."

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What's the definition of mixed emotions?

What's the definition of mixed emotions?

Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.

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What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?

What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?

A doberman pinscher.

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What do lawyers do after they die?

What do lawyers do after they die ?

They lie still.

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What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?

What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?

You always hear about them, but you never see them.

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A man who had been caught embezzling millions...

A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn’t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, “Don’t worry. You’ll never have to go to jail with all that money.” And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.

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Why does California have the most attorneys...

Why does California have the most attorneys, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps?

New Jersey got first pick.

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A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake.

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.

"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $100 when we broke in!"

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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one.

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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

Once launched, they can't be recalled.

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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

When they land, they prevent anything from functioning for the next hundred years.

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