Kids & Family Jokes

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “and why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”
Little Johnny replied, “Because we must not disturb people while sleeping.”

http://www.funeskape.com/jokes/?go=cats&cat=Childrens%20Jokes

you have a match, so what would you light first? the oven, a candle, or a fire.

answer: you would have to light the match first!

?:Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants.

A:Incase he got a hole-in-one

if barbie aint a slut y do i ave to pay for her boyfriend???

there are 3 boys called jimmy timmy and willy . they are in there dads plane and are boared so they dicede to throw things out of the door over there hometown , shitwiell.
jimmy throws down a book . then timmy throws down a brick. and then willy throws down a bomb.  read more »

littel jimmy puts his hand up in class to go to the bathroom . first you have to say the alfarbeat.
so he goes abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz.
you miss the pee wheres the pee .
running down my leg replies jimmy!

littel jimmy is send to bed by his dad
5 minutes later: daddddd can i have a glass of water . no son lights out.
5 minutes later: daddddd can i have a glass of water . no son lights out next time if
you ask ill have to spank you.
5 minutes later . dadddd when you spank me can i have a glass of water!

why did the thmomerter go to collage .
a: to get a degree

A couple had two little boys ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.  read more »

Are You Ready for Children?

Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)  read more »