Ethnic Jokes

Q. How can you tell when a Jewish girl has an orgasm?

A. She drops her nail file.

HOW TO SAY "I LOVE YOU" IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:

English . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I Love you
Spanish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Te Amo
French . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Je T'aime
German . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ich Liebe Dich
Polish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kocham Cie
Japanese . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ai Shite Imasu
Italian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ti Amo
Chinese. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wo Ai Ni
Swedish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jag Alskar
Alabama, Arkansas, North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Texas,  read more »

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

"Ma'am," said the cop, "I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."

"Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home," responded the Amish lady.

"That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!" instructed the cop.  read more »

Q. Why are Australians like kiwifruit?

A. Because they are rough on the outside, green on the inside..... and too many of them will give you the shits!

What is the difference between a Scottish man and a member of the Rolling Stones?

A member of the Rolling Stones says, "Hey you! Get off my cloud!"
The Scot says, "Hey McCloud, get off my ewe!"

How do you circumsize a redneck?
You kick his sister in the chin!

You know you're Italian when

You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.

You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or street. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.

You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.  read more »

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.  read more »

Did you know that "verb" is a noun?

How can you look up words in a dictionary if you can't spell them?

If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?

If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice, why aren't two houses hice?

If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

If you've read a book, you can reread it. But wouldn't this also mean that you would have to "member" somebody in order to remember them?

In Chinese, why are the words for crisis and opportunity the same?  read more »

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"  read more »