Entertainment Jokes

A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and the friend of a lonely Scotsman?
Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" And the friend of a lonely Scotsman says "Hey, McLeod, get off my ewe!"

Why wouldn't the members of N'Sync join the cast of Survivor?

Because they know the one kicked off "Is Gonna Be Me."

How do you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?

He's the one with the sesame seed buns!

Have you seen Ray Charles ' wife ?

Neither has he !

Q: What's the difference between Princess Di and Thomas the Tank Engine?

A: Thomas the Tank Engine made it through the tunnel!

Planet of the Apes: Secrets Revealed

* Silicon-enhanced chests and lips reveal that humans are not only "as innovative as they are cruel," but pretty vain as well.

* Wahlberg's neglect in removing his shirt through the entire film reveals his kinship with the teen demographic: BACKNE SUFFERERS.

* Fox Marketing Department determined that the ideal garment for a young ape's human pet is a peach-colored dress.

* All inflamed baboon buttocks in the film were edited out.

* Most extras were actually disgruntled gorillas out of work since the movie "Congo."  read more »

How do you piss off Winnie the Pooh?

By sticking your finger in his honey.

One day Pinocchio came to Gepetto with a problem.

"Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters. What can I do about this?"

"Have you tried sandpaper?" Pinocchio hadn't, so he went to try it.

"Pinnochio," said Gepetto a few weeks later. "How is the problem work out with your

"Girlfriend?" said Pinnochio. "Who needs a girlfriend when you have sandpaper?"

The three remaining members of Pink Floyd get in a car wreck and all three die. They are standing in front of the Pearly Gates when St. Peter comes up and says, "Oh, Hi guys! We've been expecting you. Your really going to love it here, this is a great place and did you know that we even have our own band? We have Elvis Presley singing, Hendrix is playing guitar, Sinatra is on piano and Roger Waters, your old bandmate, is writing lyrics for us!"

David Gilmour replies, "Roger is here? When did he die?"  read more »