Entertainment Jokes

A man walks into a bar with three little ducks and sits each of them on a stool, he looks up at the bartender and says, "Could you mind my ducks while I go use the phone?" The bartender is puzzled, but he doesn't see a problem and agrees to look after the three little ducks.  read more »

Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa. The lion is defeated, but not before it rips off Tarzan's arm, eye, and dick. Of course, Tarzan's jungle friends help him out by giving him the parts he needs -- the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla, and an elephant trunk for a dick. A while later, Cheeta the Chimp asks Tarzan how his new parts are working out for him.

"Tarzan like. With new eye, can see far. With new arm, Tarzan strong. But no like new wee-wee."

"Why's that?"

"It keep taking weeds and shoving in Tarzan's ass."

Q: What were Tarzan's last words?

A: Who greased the viiiiiiiine?

She is so blonde that she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."

She is so blonde that it takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes."

Q: Why was Raggedy Ann kicked out of the toybox?

A: Because she sat on Pinnochio's face and told him to lie!

Q. Did you hear about the new magazine for married men published by "Playboy"?

A. It has the same pictures month after month after month after month after month....

Q: How many musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, two, one, two, three, four!

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry sir, but you''re only allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn''t budge. The usher became impatient.

"Sir," the usher said, "if you don''t get up from there, I''m going to have to call the manager."  read more »

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."

"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."