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Entertainment Jokes

How Santa REALLY Knows!

You'd better watch out,
You'd better not cry,
You'd better not pout;
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He's bugging your room,
He's reading your mail,
He's keeping a file
And running a tail.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He hears you in the bedroom,
Surveills you out of doors,
And if that doesn't get the goods,
Then he'll use provocateurs.

So--you mustn't assume
That you are secure.
On Christmas Eve
He'll kick in your door.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

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One day Lone Ranger...

One day Lone Ranger and his side kick Tonto were out riding when Lone Ranger jad to take a piss. So Lone Ranger goes over to the bush pulls down his pants and then he screams. He runs over to Tonto and says, "Tonto I've been bitten by a snake on my penis go to town and ask the doctor what to do."

So Tonto rides to town and goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, Lone Ranger has been bit by a snake what do I do?"

The doctor looks at Tonto and says, "You take a knife and make an x on the spot where he was bit, then you suck out the venim."  read more »

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Why is Tigger always so dirty?

Why is Tigger always so dirty?

Because he plays with Pooh!

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Knock knock.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Britney Spears

Britney Spears who?

Knock knock

Who's there?

Oops I did it again!

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What do you have when you have two green balls in your hand?

What do you have when you have two green balls in your hand?

Kermit's undivided attention.

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What do George Michael and Wellington Boots have in common?

What do George Michael and Wellington Boots have in common?

They both get sucked off in bogs.

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Knock knock.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Britney Spears.

Britney Spears who?

Britney spears my eyes with her brand new pointed titties.

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Why do smurfs laugh as they walk through the forest?

Why do smurfs laugh as they walk through the forest?

Because the grass tickles their balls!

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You might be a redneck Jedi if you say...

You might be a redneck Jedi if you say, "Luke I am your father... and your brother."

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Next on Entertainment Tonight...

Next on Entertainment Tonight, celebrity birthdays: Mariah Carey's breasts are 2 years old!

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