A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Entertainment Jokes

Famous People Say the Darndest Things

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do." Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)

"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!' Patricia Arquette

"And God said: "Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan." George Burns

"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die." Carmen Boyle (Olympic gold medalist in luge, 1966)  read more »

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Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?

Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?
It kept saying ''Bach, Bach, Bach...''

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regular guy and Tyra Banks are the only survivors of a shipwreck...

A regular guy and Tyra Banks are the only survivors of a shipwreck. They somehow find themselves on a deserted island. At first, Tyra wants nothing to do with the very average guy, but after a while they become friends, then lovers.

One day the guy asks Tyra to dress in his clothes and meet him on the other side of the island. Tyra is taken aback by the request, but eventually decides there is no harm in it and agrees. She waits for him on the beach, and he soon arrives. He runs up to her, breathless and excited.

"You'll never believe who I have been screwing!"

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How did Britney Spears die while drinking milk?

Q: How did Britney Spears die while drinking milk?

A: The cow fell on her.

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What would be the difference between a dead rabbit on the side of the road and Brittney Spears dead on the road?

What would be the difference between a dead rabbit on the side of the road and Brittney Spears dead on the road?
There would be skid marks in front of the rabbit.

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What happened when Snoopy found out his girl cheated on him?

Q: What happened when Snoopy found out his girl cheated on him?

A: He bitch-slapped her.

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Who is the famous artist with brown fingers?

Who is the famous artist with brown fingers?

Pic - ass - o.

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How Santa REALLY Knows!

You'd better watch out,
You'd better not cry,
You'd better not pout;
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He's bugging your room,
He's reading your mail,
He's keeping a file
And running a tail.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He hears you in the bedroom,
Surveills you out of doors,
And if that doesn't get the goods,
Then he'll use provocateurs.

So--you mustn't assume
That you are secure.
On Christmas Eve
He'll kick in your door.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

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One day Lone Ranger...

One day Lone Ranger and his side kick Tonto were out riding when Lone Ranger jad to take a piss. So Lone Ranger goes over to the bush pulls down his pants and then he screams. He runs over to Tonto and says, "Tonto I've been bitten by a snake on my penis go to town and ask the doctor what to do."

So Tonto rides to town and goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, Lone Ranger has been bit by a snake what do I do?"

The doctor looks at Tonto and says, "You take a knife and make an x on the spot where he was bit, then you suck out the venim."  read more »

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Why is Tigger always so dirty?

Why is Tigger always so dirty?

Because he plays with Pooh!

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