Entertainment Jokes

Q: Why did Michael Jackson run to Wal-Mart?

A: Boys pants were half off.

Q: How many guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Two: One to change the lightbulb, the other to say, "I can do that."

Q: How can you tell Ronald McDonald on a nude beach?

A: He's the one with the sesame seed buns!

What do farts and Enrique Iglesias have in common?

a. They were both raised on beans.
b. They both have brown things on their cheeks.
c. They both have trouble singing in tight pants.
c. They both stink.

* JESUS is the Lord's shepherd. ELVIS dated Cybill Shepherd.
* JESUS was a carpenter. ELVIS' favorite high school class was wood shop.
* JESUS was part of the Trinity. ELVIS' very first band was a trio.
* JESUS' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members. ELVIS' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
* JESUS is a Capricorn. (December 25) ELVIS is a Capricorn. (January 8)
* JESUS was the lamb of God. ELVIS had mutton chop sideburns.
* JESUS' Father is everywhere. ELVIS' father was a drifter, and moved around quite a bit.  read more »

What's the difference between Al Gore and Elvis?

Some say Elvis is still alive.

Hercules, Snow White and Quasimodo were sitting at a table talking.

Hercules says, "I think I'm the strongest man in the world but it hasn't been proven yet."

Snow White says "I think I'm the fairest lady in the land but it hasn't been proven yet."

Quasie says "I think I'm the ugliest, meanest son of a gun in the world but it hasn't been proven yet."

The next day Hercules and Snow White are sitting at the table.

Hercules says, "It's true I'm the strongest man in the world for God told me so."

Snow White says, "It's true I'm the fairest lady in the land for God told me so."  read more »

Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."

Mickey and Minnie have been having problems for some time now and after hearing of Barbie and Ken's break up, they too decide to call it quits. Donald goes to Mickey to console him and says, "She's been a problem since day one. I'm glad you finally saw that she's crazy." Mickey looks at Donald and replies, "No, I broke up with her because she's fucking goofy"

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."  read more »