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Entertainment Jokes

I Think Santa Claus Is A Woman...

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.  read more »

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Actual Answers From Radio Contestants

On Irish radio there is a guy called Larry Gogan who has been running the "Just-a-Minute quiz" every lunchtime for years. These are actual answers from some contestants...

1. Something a blind man might use?
A sword

2. A Song with the word Moon in the title?
Blue Suede Moon

3. Name the Capital of France?
"F"

4. Name a bird with a long neck?
Naomi Campbell

5. Name an occupation where you might need a torch?
A burglar

6. Where is the Taj Mahal?
Opposite the dental hospital

7. What is Hitler's first name
Heil  read more »

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Cinderella wants to go to the ball...

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears,and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.

"First, you must wear a diaphragm. But if you're not home by 2 AM, your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees, but she doesn't roll in until five in the morning, looking love-struck and very satisfied.  read more »

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Roses are red

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I ' m schizophrenic

And so am I

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How can you tell when Barbie has her period?

Q: How can you tell when Barbie has her period?

A: Your tic tacs are missing.

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Scribbled across a toilette wall

Scribbled across a toilette wall:
To be is to do - Jean Paul Sartre
To do is to be - Karl Marx
Do be do be do - Frank Sinatra

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What does a Barbie Doll and Britney Spears have in common?

What does a Barbie Doll and Britney Spears have in common?
They're both 100 percent plastic.

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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Santa?

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Santa?

Nothing, they both leave children's bedrooms with empty sacks!

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A number of years ago...

A number of years ago, in Belfast, a man was accosted by some ruffians.
"Catholic or Protestant?" he was queried in a threatening manner.
Not knowing which group had stopped him, the man cleverly replied:
"Atheist!"
The head of the toughs moved in closer and snarled:
"Yes, but which God don't you believe in, the Catholic or the Protestant one?"

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George Bush is so stupid...

George Bush is so stupid, he went to a concert and waved to Stevie Wonder.

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