A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Entertainment Jokes

Intelligent Quotes

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," - Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," - Mariah Carey  read more »

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Terrifyingly Horrible Ghost Jokes

What did the ghost shake at the party?
Her boOoOo-ty

Who was the ghosts favorite former UN Secretary General?
BoOoOo-trous BoOoOo-trous Ghali

What disease frightens ghosts the most?
BoOoOo-bonic Plague

What do ghosts use to make beef or chicken broth?
BoOoOo-llion cubes

What sound do crying ghosts make?
BoOoOo-hoo

What was the ghosts favorite TV show?
BoOoOo-ffy the Vampire Slayer

Who was the ghosts favorite conservative intellectual?
William F. BoOoOo-ckley

What’s the difference between girl ghosts and boy ghosts?
BoOoOo-bies  read more »

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Knock, knock

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
FBI!


Hello? FBI! Let us in!

…nobody here…
Oh. Let’s go boys!
(Phew!)

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
There’s a dead old woman in your driveway.
There’s a dead old woman in your driveway who?
No. Seriously. There’s a dead old woman in your driveway.
Actually, that’s just my piss-drunk bar slut of a grandmother. She sells toothless mouth love for "mind eraser" shooters at the Tyson’s Mall TGIFriday’s. Let the whore sleep it off.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Henry.
Henry who?  read more »

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How did Britney Spears cross the road?

How did Britney Spears cross the road?

With a magic marker

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How does Snoop Dogg keep his canine teeth white?

How does Snoop Dogg keep his canine teeth white ?

BLEEEEEE-YATCH !

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Two hobbits walk into a bar...

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"

In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it."

The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"

"No. I couldnt get on the bed!"

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What county in Ireland hates Kenny?

Q: What county in Ireland hates Kenny ?

A: Killkenny County

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Why didn't Hannibal Lecter eat Brittany Spears?

Why didn't Hannibal Lecter eat Brittany Spears?

He doesn't like artificial toppings.

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Quotes About the French

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." - Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right." - Rush Limbaugh

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?" - Dennis Miller

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates Americans, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." - Conan O'Brien

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What do you call Jennifer Lopez falling down the stairs?

What do you call Jennifer Lopez falling down the stairs?
A ho down.

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