Entertainment Jokes

What do Michael Jackson and plastic bags have in common?

They are both made out of plastic and are dangerous for children to play with.

Martin Scorscese is interviewing three action heros for his new movie, they are Arnold Schwarzenneger, Bruce Willis and Sly Stallone. Pitching his movie he says, "This is gonna be an action flick with a twist...all three leads will be famous musical composers."

After some thought all three stars agree it's a new concept for an action flick and decide to get involved. In turn, Scorscese asks each star who they would like to play.  read more »

There were five people on a crashing air plane. Britney Spears, George W. Bush, Pavarotti, the Pope, and a boy scout. There were only four parachutes, not enough for the five important people on board, so they had to decide who would be left. President Bush said he should go first since he is the president of the greatest country in the world. So he jumps and lands safely. Then Pavarotti says that he has the greatest voice in the world so jumps and parachutes to safety. Britney Spears says she's a role model for young girls, a sex icon, and the smartest woman in the world so she jumps out.  read more »

Two guys are picked up by cops for drugs and are given the oppurtunity to walk only if they convince ten other guys not to do drugs. They both agree and set off. The first male comes back and says "I got the ten guys, but it wasn't easy". The cop asks how he did it. "I drew a large circle and then a small circle and said the large circle was your brain and the small circle was your brain on drugs." The second male comes back and says "I got 42 guys to quit drugs!" The cop impressed, asks how did he do it?  read more »

Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party. They are talking and Bill says: "I've seen some great pictures of Divine Brown lately, I sure would like to get together with her!"

Hugh replies: "Well Bill, you know ever since our incident, her price has skyrocketed, she's charging a small fortune."

Bill: "Hugh, money's no object to me. What's her number." So, Hugh gives Bill her number and Bill sets up a date.

They meet & after they finish, Bill is lying there in ecstasy, mumbling "God...now I know why you chose the name Divine."  read more »

Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?

A: In a catalogue.

Q: What did the Barbie doll say to Britney Spears?

A: Hey, you don't have a bra on!

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," - Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," - Mariah Carey  read more »

What did the ghost shake at the party?
Her boOoOo-ty

Who was the ghosts favorite former UN Secretary General?
BoOoOo-trous BoOoOo-trous Ghali

What disease frightens ghosts the most?
BoOoOo-bonic Plague

What do ghosts use to make beef or chicken broth?
BoOoOo-llion cubes

What sound do crying ghosts make?
BoOoOo-hoo

What was the ghosts favorite TV show?
BoOoOo-ffy the Vampire Slayer

Who was the ghosts favorite conservative intellectual?
William F. BoOoOo-ckley

What’s the difference between girl ghosts and boy ghosts?
BoOoOo-bies  read more »

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
FBI!
…
…
Hello? FBI! Let us in!
…
…nobody here…
Oh. Let’s go boys!
(Phew!)

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
There’s a dead old woman in your driveway.
There’s a dead old woman in your driveway who?
No. Seriously. There’s a dead old woman in your driveway.
Actually, that’s just my piss-drunk bar slut of a grandmother. She sells toothless mouth love for "mind eraser" shooters at the Tyson’s Mall TGIFriday’s. Let the whore sleep it off.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Henry.
Henry who?  read more »