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Entertainment Jokes

Alien Crash Landed on Earth

An alien crash landed on earth, and he went to a store and all he heard was me, me , me. He went to another store and all he heard was forks and knifes, forks and knifes, finally he went to a 3rd store and heard goodie goodie gumdrops. Later that night he went to a crime scene, the police ask him do you know who did this, he reliped me, me, me.  read more »

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s*it, shut up, and maners

there were 3 boys named s*it, shut up, and maners. one day the boys are walking threw a field and s*it fell into a hole, so shut up says to maners, i`ll look for help and you try to get him out.

about 5 minuts later shut up found a house, he goes up and rings the doorbell, a little old lady answers the door and says, hello whats your name?
the boy says, shut up!  read more »

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The difference between women and washing machines

Q. What' the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. A washing machine won't chase after you after you dump your load.

Q. How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
A. Two, if you slice them thinly enough.

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how many people on the plane /??

There was a plane with 152 people on it then the plane crashed and everyone died !
Where will you put the survivors ?

The answer is on the bottom of the page !

Answer : There was none !

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shower crime

why did the robber go to the shower after he commit a crime.
a:to get a clean getaway.
thanks

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Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly...

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel. The first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?"
The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn't do it."
The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"
"No. I couldnt get on the bed!"

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50 Fun things to do in a lift

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, crash from side to side as if you''re on rough seas.
7. Shave. (Especially if you're a woman.)
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask: "Got enough air in there?"  read more »

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Different ways to say "You're stupid"

1. A few clowns short of a circus.
2. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
3. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
4. A few beers short of a six-pack.
5. Dumber than a box of hair.
6. A few peas short of a casserole.
7. Doesn't have all her cornflakes in one box.
8. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
9. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
10. One taco short of a combination plate.
11. A few feathers short of a whole duck.
12. All foam, no beer.
13. The cheese slid off her cracker.
14. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.  read more »

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Things I Learned From Movies

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.  read more »

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Shaggy,Shania Twain, and Britney Spears

Shaggy,Shania Twain, and Britney Spears go in a limo to a restaurant. Someone farts and Shaggy says,"Wasn''t me!".

Shania Twain says," That don''t impress me much."

Britney Spears says,"Oops, I did it again."

The next day they go in a limo to a bar and someone farts. Shaggy says," Wasn''t me!".

Shania Twain says," That don''t impress me much."

Britney Spears says," Stronger than yesterday."

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