Deep Thoughts

A girl walks by a guy and says"your garage is open.And he says"did you see my harley".She says no i saw a mini bike and 2 flat tires.And he says thats nice and walks away!

your mum is so fat the only thing stopping her from jenny Craig is the doors.

Your mum is so fat when she walked past the whales she said "you have lost weight".

Your mum is so fat when she stepped on the scales to weigh herself it say "please one at a time".

If the world is round - How come we're not all bow-legged?

1. Marriage changes passion; suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

2. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."

3. I have my own little world. But it's OK, they know me here.

4. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

5. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

6. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

7. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.  read more »

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?  read more »

Thoughts for a Day
1. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
2. There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.
3. When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
4. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
5. Don’t assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
6. A penny saved is a government oversight.  read more »