Courtroom Jokes

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

In March, 1999 a man living in Kandos (near Mudgee in New South Wales) received a bill for his as yet unused gas line stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away.

In April he received another bill and threw that one away too. The following month the gas company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his gas line if he didn't send them $0.00 by return mail. He called them, talked to them, and they said it was a computer error and they would take care of it.  read more »

The DA stared at the jury, unable to believe the "not guilty" verdict he'd just heard. Bitterly, he asked, "What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?"

The foreman answered, "Insanity."

The attorney responded, still incredulous, "I could understand that. . .but
- all twelve of you?"

Working for a Judge in a common pleas court, I saw many criminal defendants. One man facing drug charges proved unusually helpful.

To determine the exact quantity of the illegal substance allegedly sold, the judge asked the prosecutor how many grams there are in an ounce.

As both attorneys checked their notes, the defendant, who had not yet entered his plea, proudly announced, "There are 28.3 grams in an ounce, your honor."

His attorney advised him to plead guilty.