Animal Jokes

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in.  read more »

A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores.

"Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him he can’t have any breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.  read more »

Once upon a time there were three little pigs.

The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig.

One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!!

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house."

So the stick pig let the straw pig in.

Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!  read more »

Q: Why did the pig have ink all over his face?
A: Because it came out of the pen.

What do you get when you cross a blue whale and a sperm whale?
I don’t know but you got a little something on your chin there.

Q: What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls?

A: Sparky!

Yo mama so dirty when I walked in her house the rats jumped me and the ants stole my wallet.

How many marmasetts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

3

That's it, just 3. Go ahead, get 3 marmasetts and try to prove me wrong.

Q: What Does Legolas feed his horse ?

A: Elf-elf-a .

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "got any bananas?"
He gets thrown out.
He comes in the next day and asks the same thing, "got any bananas?"
Again, he gets the bums rush.
This goes on for several days until the bartender has had enough of this crap and screams,
"If you ever set foot in the bar again, I am gonna nail your stupid feet to the floor and rip your beak off!" Then the duck is thrown out into the street.

The very next day the duck once again enters the bar and walks up to the bartender.
"Hey buddy! Got any NAILS?" asks the duck  read more »