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Animal Jokes

A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight...

A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish. The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious.  read more »

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What do donkeys send out near Christmas?

What do donkeys send out near Christmas?

Mule - tide greetings

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What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?

Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?

A: Bison

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This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks.

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks.

So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I’ve got this great rooster named Chuck. He’ll service every chicken you got, no problem."  read more »

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A young polar bear walks up to his dad one day

A young polar bear walks up to his dad one day and asks, "Dad, am I a pure polar bear—you know, not part black bear, brown bear, or grizzly bear?" "Why no, son. You come from a long line of proud and strong polar bears. Why do you ask?" "Because I’m fuckin’ cold."

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The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in.  read more »

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A little boy came down to breakfast.

A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores.

"Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him he can’t have any breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.  read more »

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Once upon a time there were three little pigs...

Once upon a time there were three little pigs.

The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig.

One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!!

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house."

So the stick pig let the straw pig in.

Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!  read more »

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Why did the pig have ink all over his face?

Q: Why did the pig have ink all over his face?
A: Because it came out of the pen.

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What do you get when you cross a blue whale and a sperm whale?

What do you get when you cross a blue whale and a sperm whale?
I don’t know but you got a little something on your chin there.

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