Animal Jokes

Q: What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?

A: None. It just lets out a little wine.

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.

The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!"

The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

Q: Why don't elephants use cellular phones?

A: So the rest of the world won't know their plans.

A zebra went up to the zookeeper and said, "Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes." The zookeeper looks at the zebra with a puzzling look and says, "I don't know why don't you go ask God." The zebra then went to ask God who said "You are what you are, young zebra." So the zebra went back to the zookeper who asks the zebra what God had said.  read more »

Q: What's bright eyed and bushy tailed?

A: A squirrel on crack.

A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish. The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious.  read more »

What do donkeys send out near Christmas?

Mule - tide greetings

Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?

A: Bison

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks.

So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I’ve got this great rooster named Chuck. He’ll service every chicken you got, no problem."  read more »

A young polar bear walks up to his dad one day and asks, "Dad, am I a pure polar bear—you know, not part black bear, brown bear, or grizzly bear?" "Why no, son. You come from a long line of proud and strong polar bears. Why do you ask?" "Because I’m fuckin’ cold."