Animal Jokes

The first little pig walks into a bar, and asks for directions to the restroom. "Right down that hallway, the first door to your right. You can't miss it," says the bartender.

The second little pig walks into the bar, and asks for directions to the restroom. "Right down that hallway, the first door to your right. You can't miss it," says the bartender.

The third pig walks in, and follows suit. As does the fourth. The fifth little pig walks in, and before he is given a chance to speak, the bartender says, "Do you need directions to the restroom too?"  read more »

Q: What are the two main political parties in Canada?

A: Moose and Squirrel

Q: What's the difference between a dead lawer in the middle of the road and a dead rattlesnake in the middle of the road?

A: There is skid marks before the snake.

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the jungle, she was attracted to him, and
during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex."Tarzan
not know sex," he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said, "Oh,...Tarzan use hole in
trunk of tree."

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong,...but I will show you
how to do it properly." She took off her clothing and lay down on the
ground. "Here" she said,
"you must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth showing Jane his
considerable manhood, stepped closer, and then gave her a mighty kick right  read more »

Two guys were driving down the road when they saw a goat with its head stuck in a fence.
"Hey man pull over here," said one of the guys. "I want to go screw this goat." He does, and when he is done he says, "Okay, now it's your turn." So his friend sticks his own head in the fence.

Q: What do you call an elephant between two buildings?

A: Stuck

Two hedgehogs are in the middle of the road and they're by a zebra crossing. One says, "Don't cross here!"

The other one says, "Why not?"

The first one says, "Look what happened to this zebra!"

A guy walks into a store for some last-minute Christmas shopping, and sees a parrot for sale.

He asks the clerk what the parrot's name is and the clerk tells him it's Chet. He also tells the man that this is one amazing parrot. If you put a match under his left foot, it sings "Jingle Bells," and if you put a match under its right foot, it sings "Deck the Halls."

The man thinks that is the coolest thing he's ever seen, so he decides to buy it for his wife. So he gets home, and puts it away.  read more »

What did the one shepherd say to the other shepherd?

Let's get the flock out of here!

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this", said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wifes golf ball......stuck right in the middle of the cows butt. Thats when I made my mistake."  read more »