A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Animal Jokes

A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest.

A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each of you three wishes."

The bear says "I wish all the bears in the forest were females." *poof* It's done.

The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle." *poof* It's done.

The bear says "I wish all the bears in this country were females." *poof* It's done.

The rabbit says "I wish for a lifetime supply of carrots back at my house." *poof* It's done.  read more »

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An old farmer went to town to see a movie.

An old farmer went to town to see a movie.

The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"

The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes."

"I'm sorry sir.", said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater.

He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.  read more »

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What do porcupines say after they kiss?

Q: What do porcupines say after they kiss ?

A: Ouch.

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Why was Tigger sticking his head in the toilet?

Q: Why was Tigger sticking his head in the toilet?

A: He was looking for Pooh!

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Have you heard about the man who did it with a parakeet?

Have you heard about the man who did it with a parakeet?

He contracted chirpes and the worst thing?

It was untweetable

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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

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A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me...

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!

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Three mice are sitting at a bar...

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.

The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."  read more »

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One day in the back woods of West Hollywood

One day in the back woods of West Hollywood, a giant bear was chasing little rabbit.
"Stop running and get back here!" yelled the bear.
"Never!" shouted the rabbit.
Well as the rabbit was running he tripped on a lamp. His soft furry foot brushed the lamp and out popped a genie.
The genie noticed the frightened rabbit was being chased by the bear.
The genie said to the bear,"Hey! If you stop chasing him I'll grant you and the rabbit both two wishes!"
The bear agreed and was so eager he jumped to go first. He said, "I wish that a had the biggest penis in the world!"  read more »

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell Station.

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