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Animal Jokes

Confucius Say

Confucius Say: Lady who give kiss like spider, lead to the undoing of the fly.

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Two brunettes and a blonde...

Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix a roof. While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of poop behind.

The two brunettes decide to make the blonde check how deep the poop is so they can jump down. So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep."

So the two brunettes jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!"
And the blonde replies, "Well, I jumped in head first."

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What do you call a monkey lost in a desert?

Q: What do you call a monkey lost in a desert?

A: Scewed

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Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

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A big bear and little rabbit

A big bear and little rabbit are taking a dump side by side in the woods. The bear looks down at the rabbit and asks. "Do you have trouble with crap sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies "no". So the bear wipeshis butt with the rabbit.

The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Momma and Poppa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.  read more »

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Don't ask us, ask the chicken!

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A snail owned a car

A snail owned a car and was painting a big letter 'S' on it. His friend the turtle saw him and asked why and the snail replied, "When people see me drive by they can, 'Say look at the S-car-go".

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Q: What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

Q: What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

A: A pouch potato.

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What drug was the duck on?

Q: What drug was the duck on?

A: Qwack !

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Yo mama

Yo mama's so dumb she thought Meow Mix was a rap CD for cats.

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