Animal Jokes

Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.

Why did the sheep cross the road?
To get to the Baa Baa Shop for a haircut.

A kangaroo walks into a bar. He tells the bartender, "Blood is the lipstick of all wounds."

The bartender does not know how he said this, or why.

A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman.

The policeman said, "Take that sheep to the zoo, now."

Next day the policeman sees the man with the sheep again.

The policeman stops the guy and says, "What on earth are you doing with that sheep?"

The guy says, "What is there to do? Yesterday I took him to the zoo and now I''m taking him to the movies."

Q: What is green and jumps from bed to bed?
A: A prostitoad.

Confucius Say: Lady who give kiss like spider, lead to the undoing of the fly.

Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix a roof. While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of poop behind.

The two brunettes decide to make the blonde check how deep the poop is so they can jump down. So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep."

So the two brunettes jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!"
And the blonde replies, "Well, I jumped in head first."

Q: What do you call a monkey lost in a desert?

A: Scewed

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

A big bear and little rabbit are taking a dump side by side in the woods. The bear looks down at the rabbit and asks. "Do you have trouble with crap sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies "no". So the bear wipeshis butt with the rabbit.

The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Momma and Poppa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.  read more »