Animal Jokes

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back."

"Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."

"I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now." Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"

What do polar bears have that no other animal has?

Polar bear babies.

How do you compliment a donkey ?

"Hey, nice ass !"

Why do baby chicks say "cheap, cheap, cheap?"

Because they can't say "expensive, expensive, expensive!"

How do you talk to a fish?

You drop him a line.

Why didn't the elephant like to play cards in the jungle?
Because there were too many cheetahs.

You might be a redneck if you think fast food is hitting a deer at 60 miles an hour.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you get when you cross a Scottish sheep with a Peruvian Mountain Goat?

The Dolly Llama.

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's. One of
the dogs was hanging its head and sighing. The second dog turned to him
and asked "What are you in here for, buddy?" The dog looked depressed,
"I'm in big trouble", he said, "My owner has a really nice sports car with
leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he
took me for a ride and I was so excited, I pee'd on the nice leather seat.
Now he's having me put to sleep."

"I know how you feel", said the second dog. "My owners have a beautiful,  read more »