Animal Jokes

Why did God stop making pegasuses?

Because it took too long to clean their crap off his windshield.

Three rabbits escape from a testing lab. On their first night out they find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night.

The next day they find an entire field full of female rabbits. They all do what rabbits do best, and the trio sleep throughout the night.

The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.

"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says the first one.

"I'm gonna go back to those cute little girl rabbits," says the second.

"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."

How do you turn a fox into a bulldog?
Marry her.

Two lions are walking along the beach. One turns to the other and says "It's awfully quiet today isn't it?"

Q: Why did the duck go to Brooklyn?

A: To buy some quack

A firefighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. The boy is wearing a firefighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat.

The firefighter says, "Hey little partner, what are you doing?"

The little boy says, "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck."

The firefighter walks over to take a closer look. That's sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter says with admiration.

"Thanks mister," the boy says.  read more »

What do you call a sleeping bull ?

A bulldozer .

Two nuns from France were coming to New York.
While awaiting their landing, one nun looks at the other and says, "Over here in America, they have strange customs."

"Really? Like what?" says the other.

"Over here, they eat dogs."

Astounded, the other gasps, "DOGS! No way! Really?"

"Yeah, they sure do."

"Well, I guess we'll have to just get us some so that we can try to fit in."

After they landed, they went to Central Park to a hot dog stand and ordered.

"Two dogs, please!" the nuns said.

Afterwards, they went to a park bench to eat their dogs.  read more »

What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
DAM!

Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to the barking lot.