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Sex Jokes
Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratches butt should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
War not determine who right, war determine who left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
Man who farts in church sits in own pew.
Man who lay woman on ground get piece on earth.
Rated:3.73
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An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who has never been with a woman sexually.
After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.
She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback, and after a long-distance courtship, they decide to get married.
On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.
"What happened?" she asks.
"I've never been with a woman," he says. "But if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo I'm gonna need all the room I can get!"
Rated:4.04
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Sister Mary Holycard was in her 60s, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon early in the spring a young priest came to chat, so she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor.
She then invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young priest noticed a crystal glass bowl sitting on top of it filled with water, and in the water floated, a condom.
Well, imagine how shocked and surprised he was. Imagine his curiosity! Surely, he thought, Sister Mary had flipped or something!
When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat, and of course, the priest tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water, and the strange floater. Soon it got the better of him and he could resist no longer.
"Sister," he asked, "I wonder if you could tell me about this?" (pointing to the crystal bowl)
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful?"
"I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know I haven't had a cold all winter!"
Rated:4.24
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A guy goes to his doctor and says,
"Doc, I have a problem."
"My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday and my wife is coming home Sunday."
"I need 3 Viagra pills to satisfy them all."
The doctor says, "You know 3 Viagra pills 3 nights in a row is pretty dangerous for any man. I will give them to you on the condition that you return to my office on Monday so that I can check you out."
The man says, "You have a deal Doc."
Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling.
The doctor asks, "What happened"?
The man answered, "Nobody showed up!"
Rated:4.16
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HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, humor, stimulate, stroke, console, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch,entertain,sacrifice for, charm, fascinate, attend, trust, grovel, defend, coax, brag about, understand, clothe, respect, entertain, kill for, commit, snuggle, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize, worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again.
HOW TO SATISFY A MAN
Show up naked ..... and bring beer.
Rated:3.66
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