A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Hollywood's Motto

Hollywood's Motto

You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

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What do you have when you have two green balls in your hand?

What do you have when you have two green balls in your hand?

Kermit's undivided attention.

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George Bush is so stupid...

George Bush is so stupid, he went to a concert and waved to Stevie Wonder.

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Drive Through ATM Procedures

Please note that Banks are installing new "Drive-through" teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.

MALE PROCEDURE

* 1 Drive up to the cash machine.

* 2 Put down your car window.

* 3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

* 4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

* 5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

* 6 Put window up.

* 7 Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

* 1 Drive up to cash machine.  read more »

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Polish New Car Is Busted

A polish guy wins a brand new sports car in a contest. He drives around all the time waving at the rednecks.

One day the rednecks stop him, they draw a circle in the dirt and say "If you step out of that circle, we will kick your ass." They pick up hammers and start busting up his new car. They look back and the is smiling. They hit the car some more, and he is laughing.

They walk over to him and ask "Why are you laughing, we just busted up your car."

He says "I know, but I stepped out of the circle 9 times."

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The Russian who made a wish

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."

The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want,so make me piss vodka."  read more »

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Ancient History Explained...

A team of archaeologists found a slab of rock with 5 figures carved on it, in order:

A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David.

After months of study, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were thousands of years old but even so, they revealed a lot about the people of that time.

The woman being placed first in the line of figures showed that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture.

They probably used the donkey to till the fields.  read more »

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The Atheist and the Shark

There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.

As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"  read more »

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Three men arrive at the gates of heaven...

Three men arrive at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks the first man,"Religion?"
The first man replies, "Episcopalian."

St. Peter looks down his list and says, "go to room 24. But be very quiet as you pass room 8."To the second man St. Peter asks, "Religion."
The second man replies "Methodist."

St. Peter looks down his list and says, "Go to room 14. But be very quiet as you pass room 8."To the third man St. Peter asks. "Religion."
The third man replies, "Baptist."

St. Peter looks down his list and says. "Go to room 21. But be very quiet as you pass room 8."  read more »

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I-4

Knock Knock
Who's there !
I-4 !
I-4 who ?
I-4 the ladies !

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