A D V E R T I S E M E N T

A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.

A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?"

The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."

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A smart blonde and a dumb blonde both jump off a cliff at the same time. Who lands first?

A smart blonde and a dumb blonde both jump off a cliff at the same time. Who lands first?

The dumb blonde because smart blondes don't exist.

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Hundred Dollar Bill

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?

The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythological creatures.

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Elvis vs. Jesus

* JESUS is the Lord's shepherd. ELVIS dated Cybill Shepherd.
* JESUS was a carpenter. ELVIS' favorite high school class was wood shop.
* JESUS was part of the Trinity. ELVIS' very first band was a trio.
* JESUS' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members. ELVIS' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
* JESUS is a Capricorn. (December 25) ELVIS is a Capricorn. (January 8)
* JESUS was the lamb of God. ELVIS had mutton chop sideburns.
* JESUS' Father is everywhere. ELVIS' father was a drifter, and moved around quite a bit.  read more »

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Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.

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There once was a toad...

There once was a toad that was excluded from all Green Toad activities because he was a handsome shade of yellow. So he went to visit a beautiful fairy in the town over who had the power to grant wishes.

"Fairy," he said. "I would like to be green, so I can play with all the other toads."

"Granted!" said the fairy, who turned him yellow. Unfortunately, his little toady penis was still yellow.

"What about my penis?" he asked the fairy.  read more »

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What do Barbie and Britney Spears have in common?

Q: What do Barbie and Britney Spears have in common?

A: Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.

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What does Bob Dole and the Empire State building have in common?

Q:What does Bob Dole and the Empire State building have in common?

A: They both took 410 days to be erected.

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One day a little boy asks his mom questions about God...

One day a little boy asks his mom questions about God. He goes up to his mother and asks, "Well, son, he''''s a boy and a girl"

Not really know what to say the mother just says, "Well, son, he''''s black and white."

So he asks his mother, "Mom, is God black or white?"

Again not really knowing what to say, the mother tells her son, "Well ,son, he''''s black and white."

So the little boy looks at his mother as though he finally understands and says, "Ohhhh, I didn''''t know that God was Michael Jackson!"

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Martin Scorscese is interviewing three action heros for his new movie...

Martin Scorscese is interviewing three action heros for his new movie, they are Arnold Schwarzenneger, Bruce Willis and Sly Stallone. Pitching his movie he says, "This is gonna be an action flick with a twist...all three leads will be famous musical composers."

After some thought all three stars agree it's a new concept for an action flick and decide to get involved. In turn, Scorscese asks each star who they would like to play.  read more »

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