A D V E R T I S E M E N T

A blonde bought an a.m. radio...

A blonde bought an a.m. radio and it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night.

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People Who Should've Won This Years Nobel Prize

1. Britney Spears & Eminem
Who, combined, have written more books than they''ve read.

2. Dr. Phil Mcgraw
Who has managed to convince millions of women to buy his self-help books, despite the fact that his most hight-profile patient, Oprah Winfrey, is an overweight woman with serious commitment issues.

3. America''s Oil Companies
For a lifetime body of work proving that oil and water don''t mix.

4. Yasser Arafat & Ariel Sharon
For those 2 consecutive days last March when no Israelis or Palestinians killed each other.

5. Bill Gates  read more »

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Two guys are picked up by cops for drugs...

Two guys are picked up by cops for drugs and are given the oppurtunity to walk only if they convince ten other guys not to do drugs. They both agree and set off. The first male comes back and says "I got the ten guys, but it wasn't easy". The cop asks how he did it. "I drew a large circle and then a small circle and said the large circle was your brain and the small circle was your brain on drugs." The second male comes back and says "I got 42 guys to quit drugs!" The cop impressed, asks how did he do it?  read more »

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How do you piss off Winnie the Pooh?

How do you piss off Winnie the Pooh?

By sticking your finger in his honey.

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Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion...

Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa. The lion is defeated, but not before it rips off Tarzan's arm, eye, and dick. Of course, Tarzan's jungle friends help him out by giving him the parts he needs -- the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla, and an elephant trunk for a dick. A while later, Cheeta the Chimp asks Tarzan how his new parts are working out for him.

"Tarzan like. With new eye, can see far. With new arm, Tarzan strong. But no like new wee-wee."

"Why's that?"

"It keep taking weeds and shoving in Tarzan's ass."

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What has three balls and comes from outer space?

What has three balls and comes from outer space?

E.T., the Extra-Testicle!

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What do George Michael and Wellington Boots have in common?

What do George Michael and Wellington Boots have in common?

They both get sucked off in bogs.

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Why do they make glow in the dark condoms?

Q: Why do they make glow in the dark condoms?

A: So that gay men can play Star Wars.

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Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly...

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel. The first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?"
The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn't do it."
The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"
"No. I couldnt get on the bed!"

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Jewish Girl

Q. How can you tell when a Jewish girl has an orgasm?

A. She drops her nail file.

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