A D V E R T I S E M E N T

What is a criminal lawyer?

- What is a criminal lawyer ? ?

- Redundant .

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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 10?

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 10?

A lawyer.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 15?

Your honor.

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What's the difference between lawyers and buzzards?

What's the difference between lawyers and buzzards?

Lawyers have removable wing tips.

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One day a lawyer was riding in his limosine...

One day a lawyer was riding in his limosine when he saw a guy eating grass He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, "Why are you eating grass".

The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can't afford a thing to eat."

So the layer said, "Poor guy, come back to my house."

The guys then said, "But I have a wife and three kids." The layers told him to bring them along.

When they were all in the car, the poor man said, "Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you."

The layer said, "You're going to love it there, the grass is a foot tall."

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How many rednecks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Q: How many rednecks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, it only takes one person to use a hammer.

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X-ray

Patient: Doctor, what does the X-ray of my head show?

Doctor: Absolutely nothing!

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An old woman is going up in a lift in a very Iavish department store...

An old woman is going up in a lift in a very Iavish department store when a young, beautiful woman gets in, smelling of expensive scent. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly "Romance by Ralph Lauren, £100 a bottle."
Then another young woman gets in the lift, She also turns to the old woman and says snootily "Chanel No 5, £150 a bottle."
A few floors later, the old woman has reached her destination. As she gets out, she looks both woman in the eye, then turns round, bends over and farts, saying "Broccoli, 25p a pound."

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Role Reversal

A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. On previous visits she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.

She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives!

She approached one of the women for an explanation: "What enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles?"

"Land mines," replied the Kuwaiti woman.

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US Air Force Humor!

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers
lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit  read more »

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Great Thinkers of Our Time?

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live
forever."
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that
but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
-- Mariah Carey

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same  read more »

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