A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Have you considered suing...

Have you considered suing your brains for non-support ?

0
No votes yet
Your rating: None

Crime=Idiots=Don't Pay!

Investigating a purse snatching, Brunswick, Georgia, detectives picked up a man who fit the thief's description and drove him back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the victim for an I.D. The suspect dutifully eyed the victim, and blurted, "Yeah, that's the woman I robbed."

Elsewhere...

In Nashville, they tell of Fred "Bubba" Johnson, the burglar who fell asleep on the sofa of the home he was robbing, only to be awakened by police.

Meanwhile...  read more »

0
No votes yet
Your rating: None

You want children?

Are You Ready for Children?

Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)  read more »

0
No votes yet
Your rating: None

When asked, "What is a contingent fee?"

When asked, "What is a contingent fee?" a lawyer answered, "A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don't win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing."

0
No votes yet
Your rating: None

A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious arguments...

A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge's orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, "Counselor, you should be aware that at this point, what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other."

"Your honor," replied the lawyer, "That goes without saying. What is there to prevent it?"

0
No votes yet
Your rating: None

Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

No ? Good !

0
No votes yet
Your rating: None

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars...

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go -- and couldn’t return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”  read more »

0
No votes yet
Your rating: None

How many public opinion researchers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Q: How many public opinion researchers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: With what degree of certainty do you need to know?

0
No votes yet
Your rating: None

Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill coubord quietly?

Q: Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill coubord quietly?
A: So she wouldn't wake the sleeping pills!!!

0
No votes yet
Your rating: None

The Recruits

Ten Recruits had just arrived at the training camp and were lined up for inspection.

"Hey johnson!" yelled the drill instructor, " those are the ugliest shoes i've ever seen! "
"Yes, sir" the young man answered.

"Those shoes are really really ugly, right?" hollered the D.I again
"Yes, sir!"

"And that hair- dont they have barbershops where you came from?"
"Yes, sir", answered the recruit.
"So why didnt you get a haircut?"
"I was saving up for shoes, sir!"

0
No votes yet
Your rating: None