A D V E R T I S E M E N T

R U A Real Cowboy?

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am," replied the cowboy.
After a short while he asked her what she was.  read more »

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My Car Is Shtolen!

An Irishman walks out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you lad?"
"Yesh, Shombody shtole me car!", the Irishman replies.

The cop asks, "Well now, where was your car last time you saw it?"
"It was at the end of this key."

About this time the cop looks down to see that the Irishman's member is being exhibited for all to see. He then asks, "Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

The Irishman looks down woefully and moans "OOH GOD... they got me girl too!"

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An old man rocking on his porch sees a young kid...

An old man rocking on his porch sees a young kid and his fishing pole walking down the dirt road. "Where you goin' with that pole?" he calls. "Gonna git me some fish with this here fishing pole!" answers the kid. Sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with a bucket of fish.  read more »

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Double Positives?

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'

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Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest...

Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It’s my nut!"
The first squirrel said, "That’s not fair! I saw it first!"

"Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second.

At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn’t quarrel.  read more »

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One; the lawyer holds it while the rest of the world revolves around him.

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A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake.

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.

"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $100 when we broke in!"

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What happens when a lawyer takes viagra?

What happens when a lawyer takes viagra ?

They grow taller.

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Did you ever have this before?

Doctor: Have you ever had this before?

Patient: Yes.

Doctor: Well, you've got it again!

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A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce...

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"  read more »

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