A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Little pigs

The first little pig walks into a bar, and asks for directions to the restroom. "Right down that hallway, the first door to your right. You can't miss it," says the bartender.

The second little pig walks into the bar, and asks for directions to the restroom. "Right down that hallway, the first door to your right. You can't miss it," says the bartender.

The third pig walks in, and follows suit. As does the fourth. The fifth little pig walks in, and before he is given a chance to speak, the bartender says, "Do you need directions to the restroom too?"  read more »

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Two bats are going for their midnight feed...

Two bats are going for their midnight feed. After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.

The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"

The second bat replies, "Follow me. I'll show you."

After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"

The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"

Other bat says, "I didn't."

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A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood...

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.  read more »

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Pat Buchanan answers this question: "To steal a job from a decent , hard-working American."

Dr. Seuss answers this question: "Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why? It's not been told."

Grandpa answers this question: "In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us."

And Colonel Sanders answers this question: "I missed one?"

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Girls Night Out

So ... the other day, my friends and I went to this "Ladies Night Club."

One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulls out a $10 bill.
The "dancer" came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and put it on his butt cheek.

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill and puts it on his other butt cheek.  read more »

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Turnaround is fair play!

A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.  read more »

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Give Me the Bill

Inebriated drinker says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $37.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."  read more »

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Man's best friend

Bartender looks down to the end of the bar and sees a guy with his head down who hasn't touched his drink for over a half an hour. He heads over to talk to him.

Bartender: "Hey pal, is something wrong?"
The Guy: "Yeah, I'm really depressed"

Bartender: "Why, what's the matter?"
The Guy: "I caught my wife in bed with my best friend"

Bartender: "Wow, that's horrible. What did you do?"
The Guy: "I kicked her out of the house, sent her packing, it's over"

Bartender: "That's pretty drastic, what did you do to your best friend?"  read more »

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Singing Frog

A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it."

The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"

The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque."  read more »

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Why are there no ice cubes in the blonde's freezer?

Why are there no ice cubes in the blonde's freezer?  read more »

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