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Submitted by boloo2 on Tue, 08/05/2008 - 15:10.
An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender.
He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms.
The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips.
The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips. read more »
Submitted by boloo2 on Tue, 08/05/2008 - 15:20.
A young man walks up and sits at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.
"6 shots! Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blow job."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
Submitted by boloo2 on Thu, 08/07/2008 - 17:11.
A blonde went in the library and walked up to the librarian behind the desk and said, "I would like a cheeseburger."
The librarian replied,"Shh! This is a library!" The blonde blushed. "oh, sorry.." then she whispered, "I would like a cheeseburger."
Submitted by boloo2 on Thu, 08/07/2008 - 17:21.
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town called Weipa. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. read more »
Submitted by boloo2 on Thu, 08/07/2008 - 17:51.
One day, a man complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00." read more »
Submitted by boloo2 on Thu, 08/07/2008 - 19:02.
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are you callin' from?"
Submitted by boloo2 on Thu, 08/07/2008 - 19:35.
When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." read more »
Submitted by boloo2 on Thu, 08/07/2008 - 19:42.
Why don’t sock puppets ever get anything done?
They always have a thumb up their a$$!
Submitted by boloo2 on Thu, 08/07/2008 - 19:51.
Yo Mama''so fat she was on Jerry Springer and Ricky Lake at the same time.
What did the man in the big yellow hat have to do every day when Curious George broke a glass or a plate?Submitted by boloo2 on Thu, 08/07/2008 - 20:28.
What did the man in the big yellow hat have to do every day when Curious George broke a glass or a plate?
Spank his monkey.