A D V E R T I S E M E N T

THE DAILY SHOW HEADLINES

AUSTIN CITY LIMITS

As the Democratic Party hones its campaign strategy for next year's election, it might look to Austin, Texas, where Democrats are facing off against Republicans using a strategy experts have dubbed "running like hell."

Fifty-three legislators from the Texas House of Representatives bolted for the Oklahoma state line to prevent a vote that would redraw voting districts to favor the Republican House Majority.  read more »

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On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters

On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: "It's not as easy as it looks, being on all the time. I mean, what happens if I'm in a bad mood?"
-- Vanna White, "Wheel of Fortune" co-star

On Standards, the Mega-Rich and: "I'd rather not talk about money. It's kind of gross."
-- Barbra Streisand, dodging a question about what she was paid to direct and star in The Mirror Has Two Faces

On Disco Music, Importance of: "God had to create disco music so that I could be born and be successful."
-- Donna Summer, disco singer  read more »

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Why did they let the turkey join the band?

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?

A: Because he had his own drumsticks!

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What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit?

What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit?

One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!

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What do Britney Spears and a stereo have in common?

Q. What do Britney Spears and a stereo have in common?

A. They both have big woofers.

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For the first time in many years...

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."

"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."

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In the movie, "Lord of the Rings" why does the Ring of Power glow?

In the movie, "Lord of the Rings" why does the Ring of Power glow?

Because it gets fingered by the Hobbit.

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Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

To smoke some marijuana

Jack got high

Pulled down his fly

And Jill said I don't wanna!

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What would be the difference between a dead rabbit on the side of the road and Brittney Spears dead on the road?

What would be the difference between a dead rabbit on the side of the road and Brittney Spears dead on the road?
There would be skid marks in front of the rabbit.

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Roses are red

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I ' m schizophrenic

And so am I

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